Thankful.

Praise the Lord for these people and these memories.

Gold in the Garbage

I've always known about spiritual warfare, but I've never been completely aware of it. I've never associated it with my life. These past few weeks have been rough and I've been under so much attack. I can't sleep, I question my purpose, I cower down in the face of adversity and I'm stricken with fear at night. This is not me. I don't want this.

Today Madi and I decided to go to church at Hillsong NYC. It was cold, rainy and I did not want to go. We ride the train into Grand Central Station and stop to get some breakfast before we headed to church. Out of nowhere a young man lean against the table next to us.

"You have good auras," he said.

We don't know how to respond, but we do so with a friendly smile. Immediately I feel uneasy. As the conversation continues he starts asking personal information about us (What's your name? How old are you? Where are you from?).

"Do you remember you past life?" he said.

"I don't believe in past lives," I responded.

He jumps to his defense and starts saying it's scientifically proven. I just say, "Sorry, I believe in God."

"I believe in God too," he said. He proceeds to tell us his name which I will not repeat because I still cringe when I think about it. He tells me to count the letters in his name: first, second and last. I don't want to, so he does so for me. His first, middle and last name all had six letters in it. I didn't want to jump the gun, but he beats me to the chase. "Not all demons are bad," he says to me as his eyes roll in the back of his head. We leave completely defeated.

We walk the many blocks to church in silence, trying to process what just happened. I've always heard of "spirits" taking the form of humans to tell them something. We honestly don't know if he was real or if he was truly evil coming to combat us. I haven't been able to escape this warfare. As we reach church there's a line wrapped around the building. Defeat, again. I want to turn and run.

We get in line only to be greeted by a beautiful woman who welcomes us and takes interest in why we are there. We tell her about Invisible Children, she gives us comfort and says she will be praying for us. Encouragement.

As we make our way in the church we realize that there is standing room only. Why did we stay? I'm not sure, but it was for a purpose. We worship, we pray and we are still tormented with this feeling of defeat. The pastor preaches on Gold in the Garbage. No matter the circumstance, there is gold in the garbage. It was perfect for what we are going through at the moment. Half way through the service he mentions a video about a man who abducts children and forces them to fight in his rebel army. I freeze as he mentions KONY 2012 and immediately want to run in defeat. Can I not escape the criticism? He proceeds to tell us that he sat down with his family to watch the film and through this film his two daughters came to know the Lord. Then his daughters shared it with the children's ministry and even more children came to know the Lord.

I break into tears. The negativity, the critics and the people who tell me I can't do this have haunted me for weeks. Then one pastor in a church in New York City, who doesn't even know I'm in the audience, reassures what I already know. Prays for exact things that I need like sleep, confidence and courage. God is so good.

We have to persevere. God is on our side. Our God is so much bigger than the problem. We need to take joy in that. We are a factor in the equation. We as the church who are furthering the kingdom are a factor and evil wants to do everything it can to combat us. Put on the armor of the Lord and stand with strength. God's power will show up when you need it most.

Three things that the pastor shared with us are three things that I will repeat to myself daily.
1) We need to have vision. Vision for what you can't see because what you can see is not always what you're going to get
2) Have peace. Peace in the pressure. Life is built on Jesus and he is immovable. We have the Prince of Peace with us. Have peace, brothers and sisters.
3) In the end, have grace. Grace when you get there. God brought you out, so testify in humility and give the glory to the Lord.

"Garbage seasons will come and go, but your faith filled spirit can be built to last."

Take heart. We will overcome.

Amen.

Today..

I spent much needed time with the Lord.
Ate my weight in bagels.
Had my first roadie breakdown.
Realized that I cannot do anything alone.
Noticed that my team is completely rooting for me as I am for them.
Opened my heart to people.

My independence has always gotten in the way. When I start struggling I never want to draw attention to myself and accept it. I want to be strong for people, and show people I am strong. But strength is not seen by not showing emotion. Strength is being aware of your emotions, not being scared to let people in and admitting that you're not perfect. The thing that completely opened my eyes was this blog post by my sweet friend Jennifer. Read it. Soak it in. Embrace it. It speaks nothing but truth.

Refreshing Joy

My teammate Madi and I are full of spontaneity. Today we put our work aside and took a day trip to the big apple, the empire state, concrete jungle where dreams are made of, you know, NYC. It was a trip worth making and an inspiring one at that. We bought scones, coffee cake and chai lattes for breakfast. The plan was to have breakfast at Tiffany's, but we got lost. We settled with a Tiffany's ad and a view of The Flatiron Building. We then walked up 5th avenue to Central Park, marveled at the zoo, then decided it was time for lunch. Stardust Diner was our food of choice, but we decided to be "true New Yorkers" and eat at the famous chicken and rice cart on 53rd and 6th. Delicious is an understatement. Life changing? Maybe. After lunch we took a stroll through Time Square, took pictures with some characters, then went to visit our NYC street team at their new apartment. During that visit we shared inspiring stories from our Kony 2012 experiences. It truly rejuvenated me and my attitude towards what I'm doing. Being constantly tired, doing the monotonous same thing everyday can make you lose your focus. I knew this coming in, but I also knew that it would be important to find the "refreshing joy" as Gary Haugen puts it. I found refreshing joy in the form of two incredible people telling me that my job is so important now, of spending time with my teammate and newfound friend and exploring the New York/New Jersey trains. I tried new food, talked to strangers and strolled in the New York sun. I'm refreshed to start the week and do the same thing I've been doing for the past two. Treat every screening as a new one, a new experience because it is. This is relevant for life too. Don't get too caught up in the hustle and bustle of life. If traffic slows you down, take a breather. There's nothing you can do about it. Don't let stress bring you down. It gives you wrinkles. Laugh often, love everyone and give grace always. Little acts of kindness are always best. Be humbled by your work and purpose. Above all, promise to be faithful because Lord already has.

Tour.

I have little journal entries from each day. Just little pieces of my heart that are so important to reflect on while I'm in the road. Soon I will share them on here. I really want to have an entry for each day, but for now enjoy these pictures. Also know that it's week one and delirium has already set in. I'm not mad at it. I can sleep in ten weeks. I love Delaware.

Since Thursday I've traveled through California, Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, Oklahoma, Missouri, Illinois, Indiana and finally made it to Louisville, Kentucky. In three(ish) hours I will be getting up to finish the drive to Delaware where we will be driving into our first screening. Even though I'm sleep deprived, sick and bloated because of all the gas station food I've consumed, I'm still so thankful for this experience. Here's to ending a war.